Saturday, May 08, 2010

something to think about...

Encontré esto de pura casualidad, y me parece excelente, i did thought about it cuando estaba breastfeeding, y me siento que es un big deal when you are singlemom. You might feel guilty, and scared, pero no deberíamos, no estas quitándole nada a tu baby y tienes todo el derecho de seguir buscando (whatever that means) ...

Should Singlemoms have a sex life?

I say yes, without a doubt. Of course, I advocate responsibility. For all parents, especially those of young children, a kid’s basic and psychological needs must take priority.
Why am I–a married mom of almost 10 years–asking this? Because an interesting theme has emerged among the comments on Rachel Sarah’s provocative essay: Lust and the Lactating Mother: How I Went from Nursing My Daughter to Breast-feeding My Date, which Salon magazine published earlier this week.
Among comments made on the Salon essay, my MOMformation post on breastfeeding your man, a discussion on the site Jezebel and elsewhere on the Internet is a sense that moms–especially single moms and single nursing moms–should not be sexual. In other words, they should not think about it or do it.
My fellow mom blogger, Johanna, whose personal blog is Cost of Living, put it best in a post for Rocky Mountain Moms Blog called Sex, Shame and Motherhood. Johanna writes of people’s responses: “They painted a pretty clear picture of the American public’s general opinion: Moms are still NOT allowed to be sexual. At all. Commenters berated (Rachel) for her ‘lude’ behavior, for bringing a ’stranger’ into her home (even though the date was set up through a mutual friend), and for putting her sexual desires above the safety of her daughter. One commenter gave out the ultimatum, ‘Until you’re done lactating, keep it in your pants.’ Apparently breastfeeding women should be sent to a nunnery.”
Johanna’s perspective got me thinking. In my post on Rachel’s essay, I wrote how I would smack my husband before I’d let him get near my lactating breasts. I still feel that way, mainly because when I was nursing my two babies, I viewed my breasts solely as a source of nourishment. But that was my mindset while breastfeeding, one that speaks more to my literal personality than anything else. My thoughts are not right or wrong–they’re just mine.
However, I hope my feelings did not come across as a condemnation of Rachel because 1) She’s a grown women and I have no place judging what she does in the bedroom; and 2) I do not think women–whether married, single or breastfeeding–should be all mom and no sex.
What about you? What are your thoughts on sex and single mama? Or sex and moms, in general? Do you agree or disagree with blogger Johanna, who says that society seems to think that moms are not allowed to be sexual?

Illustration courtesy of Rachel’s blog, Single Mom Seeking, which is also the title of her book. Rachel also blogs at Singlemommyhood, where she is giving away two copies of the book, Unbuttoned: Women Open Up About the Pleasures, Pains, and Politics of Breastfeeding, which includes Rachel’s controversial essay.

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